Almost
by Rlkite
Summary: Jane loves Maura and has done for as long as she can remember, the question is does Maura love her too? M to be safe. Potential for trigger warning so I'll put it here in case.
1. Chapter 1

I can't go talk to her because instead she is talking to _Suzie. _Suzie "little-miss-perfect" Chang, who follows Maura round like some oversized lap dog, won't leave her side for a _second _today; I had really wanted to ask Maura if she wanted to come over for the evening .But instead I got an "excuse us a minute Jane, we just need to go over this it shouldn't take too long." Before sending that smile in my direction and sauntered off to talk to the bespectacled scientist. Suzie. Bloody. Chang.

Fifteen minutes later and it appears the gravediggers anonymous meeting is still going on so I decide to make my way back to the bullpen, giving her a text message to ask her about my plans. I get a response almost immediately.

_Sorry about earlier, Suzie's been having a hard time with her boyfriend and appears a tad clingier than usual she just needs a friend. I would be delighted to join you tonight, what should I bring? M xo_

_Just yourself J xx _

_J I look forward to it. M xo_

I go about my business for the day without seeing Maura again during our time at work. Completing the mountain of paperwork I'd been putting off for as long as possible. It gets to the end of the day and I ride the lift down to the exit with the aim of seeing Maura in the atrium. And there she is, in all of her glory waiting patiently adjacent to the entrance. She has a blue, knee-length dress on, eye catching red heels and a black cardigan. Once she spots me she smiles revealing a dimple reminding me once again why it was that I find her so attractive.

I had never told her, I had no intention to ever tell her how much it was that I love her. She would never find someone like _me _attractive. I mean if you look at me I'm still really just a cop from Boston; my mom thinks high society is eating conolies on a plate instead of a box. She's Maura Isles the _Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts_ what could she see in me. Then there was the fact that she's _straight, _she doesn't need a dykey blue-collar cop like me. So I resign myself to simply being her friend, always there being her constant in a world where I have to watch her put herself out there for a string of useless men, each slightly worse than the next. The most recent being Dennis, she's still reeling from that episode. She (thankfully) no longer rings me crying during the night after waking up from a nightmare. I do however occasionally awake in the morning to find a medium sized adult asleep on my sofa with one of my BPD sweaters used as a blanket.

She waves me over and immediately links arms, it's a gesture she's been doing more and more recently, I've assumed it an attempt at making herself feel safe however I secretly revel in the feeling of having her so close to me.

"So, film night?" Her golden eyes look up at me expectantly, the lighter flecks shining in the light of the precinct. I simply nod and lead her towards my car.

"Do you want to stay over so that you can leave your car in the lot?" She smiles back at me commenting on how wonderful an idea that would be; we could have another "sleep over". The idea of sharing a bed with Maura both thrilled and terrified me, I already found it difficult to keep my feelings to myself as it is how was I supposed to do that when she's sleeping next to me?

The drive to my apartment is filled with a comfortable silence, occasionally I can feel her gaze landing on me before slipping away to look at something outside the car. She keeps checking up on me, despite her obvious need for comfort herself at times. She's worried about me. Since Casey proposed, then left after I rejected his proposal she's been by my side before I even realised myself that I might need her. It's not that I was in love with Casey; it was more that I'd resigned myself to watching Maura fall in love and no longer need me. I wanted to pre-empt it no matter how unconsciously it was that I felt like that. It was Maura, rightly, who made me realise how wrong it was for me to accept his proposal. How wrong he is for me. _The perfect person could be right in front of your eyes Jane, but if you marry Casey you'll never find them. _Of course she had been right in saying that, the perfect person _was _right in front of me. In her Dolce and Gabbana dress, Jimmy Chu's and Prada handbag and all her oblivious glory. It's not that I miss him per-se, I just miss the attempt of getting Maura out of my mind. That woman is engrained deep and if I don't find a way to be the platonic best friend she so desperately needs she will have moved on leaving me trotting behind. Much like Suzie….

I'm wrestled out of my thoughts by a soft hand on my shoulder, it appears I've driven home on autopilot and once parked, sat staring blankly into the middle distance for a long enough period for Maura to be concerned. She's asking me again if I'm alright and all I can do is smile and nod hoping she'll concede to it. Which she does, thankfully, I follow her as she trots into the building leading the way to my apartment her copy of my key firmly in her hand. The elevator is out of commission at the moment as some teenagers from one of the lower floors were messing around and _sadly_ got stuck in the elevator for the majority of a morning as the fire marshal had to get them out. I follow her up the stairs dutifully, looking up to realise I was currently eye level with her ass. If I had reason to believe it, it could be misconstrued that she had purposefully chosen her pace and positions in front of me so as to show case that specific part of her anatomy. But then again why would she, Maura is _straight. _She looks down, catching me in the act of ogling her glorious behind.

"Like what you see there detective?" Her eyebrow is raised playfully, but I can see curious trepidation in her eye.

"Nah, I've seen better." I grin at her as I can see her holding back a retort before turning and stomping up the remainder of the stairs.

Two hours later we're sat on my sofa, bottle of wine between us easily three-quarters of the way drunk. Maura's resting her head on my shoulder her arm wrapped around my waste. She'd been asleep for a while softly mumbling to herself in her sleep. "Jane…..Jane, can you like me too please?"

She's asking me that over and over in her sleep. Her nose nuzzling slightly against the nape of my neck her breathing in my ear, fingers spasmodically tightening around the fabric of my shirt. She seems agitated so I rub her back softly which seems to lead her to a deeper calmer sleep. However, sadly the ringing of my phone wakes her with a start and she stares at me blearily, wiping away at her eyes before her phone joins mine in startling awake.

"Rizzoli."

"I-Isles." She stifles a yawn before nodding in agreement as I point towards the door.

It appears we would be working tonight, all other plans forgotten.


	2. Chapter 2

It's clear that the body has been dead for at least six hours prior to us finding it; I've been crouched over the man examining him whilst Jane searches the crime scene. During the cab ride here (as Jane refuses to drive despite only having one glass of wine) I had felt quite tired from reawakening but now that I'm here I feel sharp again, the professional mask of _Dr Isles _falling over me. I'm more than aware of the nick-name Queen of the dead and as much as I dislike it I do occasionally take comfort in my ability to revert into myself when the need arises.

It's not that I'd felt discomfort _per se_ it's just the attraction that I'd felt for Jane appears to not be dissipating like I had originally hoped. Sometime within our friendship I had realised I was attracted to her and loved her as more than a friend normally would. After watching other female friends interacting with each other I noted the amount of occasions we would touch and how many of those occasions were initiated by me or Jane. We were on a pretty even playing field with that one but we certainly touch more often than others. I enjoyed that fact but it hurt me to know that what she sees in me is simply platonic. I attempt to date others to try to shift my affections onto these suitors but sadly their substandard simply remind me more of her perfection. It is getting quite unbearable.

I can hear Jane coming back to me and train my features to appear even, hiding the pain of not having her as close as I would want her to be.

"How did he die Maur?" She asks in her gravelly voice.

"Asphyxiation, the attacker appears to have used a plastic bag and removed it once he collapsed. However I'll have to take him back to try to explain the injuries he sustained to his torso." I go through the injuries with her and inform her that I wished to go with the body back to the morgue. As I move to pass her, nodding my head in greeting to Frost who I had yet to meet today, she grabs my wrist squeezing slightly. I can tell by her eyes that she's trying to read my mood. I had earlier been telling her of my loneliness living alone and how I longed for someone of my own. She had assumed that it was due to my apparent lack of luck with male suitors; however she simply couldn't be more wrong. I mouth that I am okay and carry on towards the ambulance that will be taking our victim back to the morgue, allowing Jane to go back to the precinct in her car later on.

I smile at the paramedic who takes the gurney past me, although something about him unnerved me however I'm never one to make assumptions without facts so I sat waiting for his return, checking my emails on my phone quietly. I look up at a load bang of the back door of the ambulance to find the paramedic about five feet away from me pointing a gun directly at my forehead.

"You're going to get in the front of the vehicle without fuss, you _aren't _going to shout out for your _dykey girlfriend_ and we are going to act like everything's fine. _Got it?_"

I realise then that my mouth is hanging open but I manage to shut it and on trembling legs get up, out of the vehicle and walk over to the passenger side. I can hear him and his scrawny colleague mutter about how easy it was to get to the "chief M.D" and how Doyle was going to "pay" by the abduction of his daughter. It was as I listen to them muttering again that I remember that they had yet to take my phone off me, I realised that it was inevitable for them to realise it but whilst I had it now I did the only thing I thought would be benefit to me in this situation. I texted Jane.

_Follow the ambulance, dirty paras. Help. M._

I swiftly turn my phone to silent and prey that these low lives wouldn't have the thought to ask for it, hiding it in my bra for the time being. They soon get in the cab and speed off in the direction of the docks. I try to get a view of the rear view mirror preying that Jane had the thought of mind to check her phone but knowing that unless on call she was sporadic at best with the thing.

A gun is pointed at me for the entire journey until we come up to one of the warehouses at the docks, that's when the door on my side is flung open and a very large heavily muscled man grabs me painfully by the hair and drags me inside. I struggle to attempt to keep step with him bent awkwardly at my hips facing backwards until I am flung against the wall my face contorting in pain.

_Please Jane, read your damn messages. _Just as I think that I can feel my phone silently vibrate against me thanking the deities I fail to believe in that none of my assailants noticed my phone. I can't hear the sound of cars coming however as my attacker, who clearly dwarfs me, moves in to swing a punch that hits me in the cheek. The crunch that I both hear and feel insinuates that he's broken my cheekbone as I slump to the ground he then kicks me hard in the ribs. I feel the air leave my lungs as I gasp in an attempt to re-fill them, this however is a harder task than I would normally experience. He's clearly winded me but as I finally achieve my goal I feel the distinctive pull of fractured ribs and wonder how it is I'm going to be leaving this warehouse._ Dead or alive? _I had been attempting to cover my head when a strong hand lifts me up by the neck, the other hand fumbling to lift the hem of my dress.

The dress I'd worn in an attempt to look pleasing to Jane, the way her eyes had lit up upon seeing me suggests it had been effective. Sadly, it seems it had also pleased this _brute._ His rough hands meet my panties forcing them down as he then finds the zipper of his pants. I've been kicking, slapping, struggling and shouting the entire time but yet I must be the fraction of his strength.

"I'm gunna fuck you up!" He declares as his grotesque penis flops out of his trousers like an epileptic snake high on valium. It creeps towards my opening and I manage to choke the vomit I can feel rising up my throat. _Please, God let it be quick._

But then, **BANG! **Gun fire echoes throughout the building, the two paramedics hit the ground with a thud barely having time to register the assault let alone do anything about it. My attacker spins around swiftly letting go of my throat and I hit the ground with a sharp thud. At my groan he sharply boots backwards at me hitting my shoulder soundly. His tackle is still flying half-mast like some crooked flag-pole the thought of it going near me makes me feel sick again as I watch him readjust himself before once again grabbing me by the hair and dragging me towards the gunfire.

It is then that I see Jane. Her eyes are wide and panicked and her movements are quick and sharp. She's looking for me; I go to call out but am swiftly punched again for my troubles.

"Shout to her and I will use this knife to slice your throat, do you understand?" I can simply nod in return as he drags me behind a stack of crates. Its then that I hear a gasp and "Oh no Maur NO." Looking back I see her holding the panties that had been abandoned on the floor, she's surveying the scene that is stained red with my blood. She turns sharply as I let out a rather loud "gasp of pain" hoping that she sees us. Thankfully she does, raising her weapon and edging towards my assailant and myself swiftly.

"Let the Doc go and I _won't _shoot your sorry ass!" She's fierce as she once again raises her weapon attempting to find a clean shot. However the hulk like creature behind me has already dragged me up in front of his body attempting to use me as some form of shield, much like Dennis did not 5 month prior, the memory of that night still haunts me and I briefly ponder how I would get over this past year should I manage to leave this situation still breathing.

I feel more than see the knife to my neck as I'm pulled backwards my mysterious assailant.

"I will kill her Detective and then what would you do?" His grip on my gets exponentially tighter however as he walks backwards his foot hits a low level crate and he over leans ever so slightly but it's enough to cause his grip to loosen and for me to move away from him slightly. Without so much as a seconds notice Jane has pulled the trigger, a shot hitting his shoulder with a _thwack _and blood spatters across my face as my attacker falls to the floor.

She's on me before I can even consider my position on the floor. "God Maur, he's hurt you. I came as soon as I checked my text. You'd only been gone for half an hour but it should've been sooner. _I should've been sooner. _I'm so sorry. She's shaking and her eyes are wild and unfocussed as I look back up at her. Now that it all over (the enormous man has been pulled up to his feet by several other cops that entered after Jane) I can feel the adrenaline leaving my system as more and more of my body starts stabbing in pain.

"H-he tried to rape me Jane, he, he was going to but you interrupted him. Oh my god." I can feel myself being dragged away from consciousness as Jane lifts me up taking me to a waiting ambulance.

_Maura, please God tell me you're alright. If you have your phone text me __**please**__. We've tracked your phone we're on the way honey, keep alive. I cannot lose you. Jane _


	3. Chapter 3

She's been sedated for the past hour and a half after having a panic attack on the way to the ER. She resisted the brutish paramedic who appeared to have had no training with victims in his past.

"Her attackers were paramedics just like you, how do you not get that?" She only appeared to calm down when her hazel eyes found me, pawing at me in an attempt to seek comfort from my hand.

"You're really here Jane?" I simply nod as I stroke her hair, aware of the deep bruising under her left eye. It would appear the assailant was right handed. I keep her preoccupied as the paramedic administers the sedative suggesting it be used to keep her calm during the initial look over. I know that should she thrash around like that she'd simply be impeding the ER staff and would have the potential to hurt herself so I nod and squeeze her hand as she flinches slightly at the injection. Eyes drooping immediately before she loses consciousness.

I'm sat here two hours later next to her bed waiting for her to wake up. Ma's been over with Frost and Frankie bawling about the incident while Maura slept, I am however certain she would be comforted knowing that no matter where Constance or even Hope is she will always have a mother in my Ma'. I had rang Constance first, she had told me that she was in Italy overseeing an art installation and that when an opportunistic window would appear that she would fly over but it may be as much as a week away that I should send Maura "all of my love". I suppose that was the best I could imagine from the woman who once forgot to invite her only daughter to her own installation not two years ago. Hope I rang second, she was obviously in shock about the incident but had promised to visit tomorrow.

However now that it's just me alone in the room with her I'm able to get a better look at her. She looks so small and unassuming in the hospital bed, covers pulled up to her shoulders with both pale hands lying flat against the mattress above the covers. She seems peaceful but I'm certain if it wasn't for the sedatives within her system she would be anything but calm. I'm astounded at the fact that _anyone_ would want to harm Maura, sweet sweet Maura who still has all the adorable optimism of life despite the fact that so often the cards are not in her favour, Maura who stress shops on the internet and believes it is truly a vice. Maura who refuses to allow me to call Bass a turtle when we both know that I'm doing it to wind her up. Maura who could and _would _never harm anyone but yet when truly questioned about it seemed so painfully unsure about herself. Maura who for all her intelligence, knowledge and factoids appears to never see the woman she truly is, so capable and deserving of love that I am so in awe of _God _if only she _knew. _My dumb genius.

But now she is hurt, both physically and no doubt emotionally and I have no idea how I can help her. I just know I have to. I watch as she slowly regains consciousness, her fingers twitching back to life before her eyes blink open and she looks at me in a haze of confusion and grief.

"J-Jane? Jane wher-re are we?

"The hospital Honey, you're in Mass Gen remember?" She blinks three times before nodding slightly.

"It hurts to breathe Jane; I think he broke my ribs?" I nod at her and her eyes widen almost comically wide. She tentatively touches at her cheek then looks at me in questions.

"It's fractured." I inform her before getting a nod in return.

She starts crying and repeating talking incoherently before saying in the smallest voice I've ever heard from her. "I was so scared Jane, I really thought you wouldn't get to me in time." She looks at me with those watery eyes and I feel my heart breaking, the woman I love most in the world and I almost lost her. _How would I have coped if you'd died Maura, how on Earth?_ She's reaching out to me her palm outstretched.

"Will you hold me like you do when I have nightmares? You make me feel safe Jane." How could I say no to that face? Even with the bruising under her eye she's the most beautiful person I've ever seen. I settle myself on the bed beside her careful not to jostle her too much for fear of causing her pain, she places her head on my chest an arm carefully wrapped around my waist as I stroke her hair. Eventually her crying subsides and is replaced with the heavy breathing of slumber.

After half an hour the attending looking after Maura's case knocks on and quietly enters the room.

"She's sleeping." I whisper as she nods in response. "Would you like me to wake her?"

"No, no I was simply coming in to check on her, my shift is over in the next hour so I was doing a final check. If the pain she is in eases up overnight like I suspect it should do then she should be alright to go home in the morning. Of course she would need someone there for her for the first few days but I should see no reason why she wouldn't be alright in a more comfortable environment."

"Thank you, she's important to me… it's important that she's alright."

"Your wife's going to be fine Detective, I know the numbers of some excellent therapists in the area if either of you need their assistance? It's not just the victims that have a hard time after an assault, things can be just as rough on their partners it's okay to hurt too you know?" My mouth gapes open at the assumption that the Doctor has made about our relationship attempting to wrack my brain around some sort of response to it. However before I can attempt to successfully establish the grounds of our relationship to the woman in front of me a muffled voice from my chest makes its presence known to the both of us.

"Give Jane the numbers, she'll be too proud to admit that she's hurting to either of us. She'll have to ring them in her own time and no doubt will want some sort of private conversation with them prior to any session I have for fear of either them being inadequate for me or them being scared off by my _Google_ mouth." Her grip on my waist tightens and as I look down at her I notice that her eyes haven't opened, they are in fact tightly shut as if she was a child attempting to hide from the boogieman by the simple trick of "if I cannot see you then you cannot see me." It is both heart breaking and adorable and wholeheartedly Maura.

"Is there anything else we need to be made aware of?" Her voice is quieter when she says this, almost as if she's afraid of what the Doctor might say.

"No, no that's all Dr Isles, if there are no complications during the night I see no reason why the Attending taking the shift tomorrow won't discharge you in the morning. I'll leave you two to it, sorry to disturb your sleep." She pauses for a moment before smiling at us sadly. "I'll tell the nurses at the station _not _to enforce the policy of one person per bed; we all need a little comfort from time to time. I hope you feel better Dr Isles, I'm sorry our meeting wasn't in better circumstances." I feel Maura nod against me before the Attending leaves the room to carry on her way.

"She wrongly assumed we were married Jane."

"Mhmm." I hope that the vague noise I register coming out of my mouth would be enough of a reply for her to feel satisfied, however I have a sinking feeling that it won't be.

"You didn't attempt to correct her in any way." I feel rather than see her move her head in order to better assess my face, I look down to see those hazel eyes sway across my features with equal amounts of panic and trepidation.

"I didn't feel the need to Maur', it didn't change the information she was giving me." Her eyes sweep over me once more before she makes a sort of grunting noise and settles back down against my chest, wriggling her head against me slightly until she can get comfy before it becomes obvious that her eyes are starting to droop with fatigue.

"It's surprising how often people assume we _are _a couple Jane, this isn't the first time either have us have been asked about the other in that sort of manner." She's clearly referring to the time a new recruit asked her when our anniversary was and if she could give him any advice on asking a girl out. He clearly didn't have much of an idea of what he was getting himself in for as she produced an informative speech that could rival any public service announcement. However right now I simply make a noise in agreement while stroking her hair once more, placing a kiss on her crown when I notice her eyes closing before she blinks them open slowly blatantly on the cusp of sleep.

"It's okay Maur' go to sleep."

"I feel safe with you like this, would you make sure no one comes in to get me?"

"Of course Maur', we got them, no one's coming for you." I notice the edges of her mouth curling into a slight smile before she whispers

"Okay."

"Okay, now go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up." I notice her eyes drooping close one final time before she quietly whispers "I wish we didn't _have _to correct them, would it be okay if they guessed correctly?" She's unconscious before I could respond to her, was she implying what I _think_ she was implying or was she simply wishing that people didn't assume our relationship to be that way. I was happy that she found that she felt safe in my presence but I didn't want to overstep the boundaries I'd set out for myself, if I was to cause Maura to pull away from me after all of this due to my own stupidity I don't know what I would do, she meant too much to me and tonight had proven just how badly I needed her.

_Shit Maur', I almost lost you._


	4. Chapter 4

**trigger warning** this has Maura dealing with the immediate aftermath it might be a bit upsetting for people. But the end of the chapters kinda happy, you could just flick to that bit? I found this chapter quite hard to write, if anyone has anything to say about it could you let me know?

I wake up with a start, tucked up against the warmth of a body I can feel an arm around my waist and breathe hitting my neck following the rise and fall of a chest. For a moment I'm brought back to the events of the warehouse, I feel my throat constrict as my breathing rate increases in an attempt to promote the flight or fight response within my body. However my tensing must have been noticeable as the figure tightens their grip on me, long thin fingers brush down my arm as a kiss is placed on the top of my head.

"It's just me Maur', don't worry… no one's going to hurt you, it's just me."

"Jane?"

"Yeah, it's Jane. You're at the hospital, do you remember?" I nod against her as memories from the past night sweep over me. "W-would you come home with me? I don't want to be on my own when I get out of here…. It scares me." I wouldn't normally admit to being so fearful without a little prodding however after waking up so confused and vulnerable it appears that I have no qualm in speaking my mind.

"Of course I'll probably need to help you for a few days anyway until the bruising around your ribs calms down enough and your ribs start knitting together. The doctors suggested five days."

"Mhmm." I feel her placing a kiss on the top of my head again before instructing me to fall asleep again; she'd wake me once the doctors come during their rounds.

Three hours later sees the end of my stay in hospital, Jane dutifully gathers my possessions (sans the dress from yesterday, I cannot look at it let alone wear it again), helps me sit up and then _slowly _stand and walk the two steps to the wheelchair before I descend and sit down.

It's agony.

But with a grateful smile I gesture for her to place my clothes in my lap before pushing my through towards the exit of the hospital. I manage to only grimace twice as she unknowingly reveals that she is woeful at pushing a wheelchair smoothly, with a shuddering jerking action we get to her car.

The car ride is silent, I cannot think of what to say to her while a million thoughts fly through my head ricocheting around each other like the murky deeps of the ocean in the midst of El Nino's upwelling. _I feel dirty, I want to be clean. What if she thinks I'm unclean now? What if this pushes her away? I don't want her to pull away; I thought we were __**finally**__ moving closer. Is this a dream? Please let this be a dream. Who fed Bass last night? Will he need feeding when we get in? I really want potato chips… right now._

I squint at the bizarreness of the last of my inner monologues as Jane pulls up in front of my house at Beacon Hill. Although I'd been gone a mere 26 hours it felt as if I hadn't been home in a lifetime. I go (with Jane's aid) from room to room checking the cupboards, wardrobes, the fridge and finally my walk in closet. I wanted to know if anything unsafe was residing within my home. Finally Jane manages to persuade me to sit on the sofa as she puts a film on and cooks us both some dinner. However the only thought I had was the need to get clean.

As soon as deemed socially possible I excuse myself, slowly making my way to my bedrooms en suite, undressing myself and turning the shower onto a higher temperature _it must be warm to destroy bacteria. _I couldn't bare the feeling I'd had it once the confusion of the morning wore off and I had more of a gage of what had happened, the events of the day before appeared to have left me with more than the physical memories of the ordeal, it appeared that there would be mental scars also. I step into the unbearably warm water barely registering the pain before I start scrubbing at my skin; I start with my shoulders, arms and hands. Then I wash my chest and torso travelling down to my hips and legs. I cannot bare to go anywhere near the junction between my legs the idea of what could've happened to me becomes overpowering and before I can register what is happening I feel the shudder of my shoulders as I try to catch breath after my body is rendered into hysterics. The tears I was unaware of flow down my cheeks as I continue to scrub at my body, my skin is long since clean now but still I cannot smell anything except the damp odour of the warehouse and the green stench of my attacker's breath in my face.

I barely register it when Jane knocks on the door inquiring if I was alright, the soft hmmm that I give her in reply is certainly not loud enough for her to hear. She knocks again this time louder in an attempt to gain my attention however I'm too far gone to really say anything. Eventually it appears concern overtook her as she swiftly opens the door to the bathroom to see me leaning against the wall of the shower, blotchy from the heat of the water and the attempt to scrub myself clean. Tears rolling down my face as I attempt to school my features into some sort of readable expression.

"Oh Maura, Honey, are you alright?" My eyes are trained on to my feet as I shake my head in a "no".

"I couldn't get clean." I direct this statement to the floor but I assume she has heard me when I see that she's moved closer, her own feet now in the range of my vision.

"Maur' you've used up half of your body lotion. Do you think maybe you _could_ be clean now?" I notice the once full bottle in her hands and nod as realisation dawns on me that this OCD like state is common amongst victims of sexual assault, the incessant need to feel clean being a common symptom. I'll need to keep an eye on it in the future.

"Would you like to go to bed?" I'm nodding before I really recognise the question and before I know it she's reaching into the steam infused shower to turn the spray of water off. Within seconds I'm enclosed in one of my large, soft towels and she very gently lifts me up in her arms.

"Whatever you need to feel safe Maur' I'll do it. Just please, please don't scare me like that again. Okay?" I nod against her chest as I feel myself starting to feel sleepy; it appears I shall need more sleep as my body tries to mend itself. I think back to all the times that Jane has put my needs before her own over the course of the past few days; she really is like my knight in shining armour. And even though it's obvious that she got little to no sleep last night I am certain she'd be putting my comfort above her own tonight as she lays us both down on my bed telling me to simply get comfy she'll be here should anything wake me in the night. I lay my head on her chest and she holds me to her as I press myself as tightly into her body as I can. Her scent grounds me as the feeling of warmth surrounds me from her embrace. Under normal circumstances I would be petrified that Jane wouldn't share my need to reciprocate affections and would either brush me off or attempt to hide her insecurities in ruthless sarcasm. However tonight she simply holds me, rubbing her hands down my back lulling me into a shallow sleep.

Until the shuddering of her body wakes me up twenty minutes later.

She's crying, I can tell by the short breaths she lets out in quiet gasps shaking her shoulders as she continues to hold me. Her breath shifts my hair slightly as her grip tightens and flexes against me.

"I thought I was going to lose you Maura, I thought I'd lost you without the chance to tell you how I felt, how I feel about you. _God Maura _the way he treated you, picked you up like a ragdoll when you are the _one thing_ most precious to me, that could've happened and I would never have been brave enough to say what I need so _desperately _to tell you. It's eating me up Maura and yet I can barely say it out loud to myself. How the fuck am I going to say it to you. I man God; I'm rambling on like this whilst you're asleep." I roll my eyes at the swear but continue listening, attempting to maintain the breathing pattern of one in the depths of slumber.

"Maura I love you, everything about you. Without you I would be nothing plain old Jane Rizzoli but with you I have a reason to go to work doing what I do because I want to protect you and people like you. Last night I failed at that job, protecting the woman I love. I should've noticed them, should've seen they were crooks but I didn't I'm so so sorry." She shudders against me again, except this time I feel the soft warmth of tears as the drip from her jaw above my crown to hit my scalp. I cannot bare it, she shouldn't be feel guilt it was no one's fault. As utterly elated as I was with this confession I couldn't have her hurting herself with guilt.

"There was nothing you could do Jane." My voice sounds tight in my throat and I try to swallow as the familiar burning of unshed tears burns behind my eyes.

"W-what?"

"I said there was nothing you, or any of us could do, you did not fail." She pulls away slightly, presumably to gauge the expression on my face.

"You heard all that?" I note that she sounds both surprised and extremely panicked by the tone of her voice. I nod my head in reply not trusting myself to be able to speak without my voice cracking. Eventually I manage a "yes, yes I did Jane."

"Oh…. God, all of it."

"All of it." She starts to pull back mumbling an apology and suggesting that she sleep on the couch, she "doesn't want to freak me out" after all. However I pull her back, missing her body heat almost immediately.

"No, no Jane. It's alright because, I love you _too_"

"You do?" I nod against her, finding her hand in the darkness linking our fingers.

"I'm going to need your help through this Jane and I can't promise to be myself all the time. But yes, yes I am in love with you." She squeezes my hand in hers slightly placing a kiss on the tip of my nose.

"I am so very glad to know that."


	5. Chapter 5

I was terrified, absolutely petrified that she was going to have a nightmare and I wouldn't be able to do anything about it, what if she would think that I was him again, what if she thought I was going to hurt her? I could never hurt her. She's amazing and she just said she _loved_ me. Loved. Me? I found it so hard to believe that she had returned that sentiment. Was it something she said in jest? Could she really love me? These anxious notions run through my mind as I look at her, finally sleeping peacefully wrapped up in my embrace. She looks so calm and peaceful despite the hysteria I witnessed earlier.

She shifts slightly; her cheek grazes my breast as she unconsciously shifts closer. I wrap my arms tighter around her hoping it aids her in feeling protected. After a few minutes however she blinks slightly clearly on the way to waking up.

"H-Hey… how long have I been asleep?"

"Two hours. You comfy?"

"Mmmhmmm." She nods against me. "Jane, I meant what I said you know? I do love you. I-I know I might not be ready for much yet, I know you deserve so much more. You deserve everything it's just right now I can't imagine that." _Oh gosh, how could she think that I wouldn't wait for her? Hell I would never be intimate with someone again if it meant that I could call her my own._

"Maur', you deserve to be looked after too. You got me?" I can feel the pause that she feels, taking that statement in. "I love you _too _I'm here, I'm not going to go away no matter what happens you can rely on me. Besides, I'm not ready for anything at the moment both… could we settle for hand holding and the occasional hug?" I waggle my eyebrows at her whilst she giggles against me chest, placing a kiss against the cotton of my shirt.

"How can you still find me attractive?" Her green eyes, pooling with fear gaze up at me her face hardening with fear.

"How could I not? Maur' you're the most beautiful person I've ever met. Nothing's going to change that; this… this is just a brushstroke that completes the picture. We'll get through this. I promise you." I try to smile encouragingly at her, she smiles back slightly although I can still see fear in her eyes. "You are so, so beautiful I hate that this happened to you but it's not going to make me run away." I kiss the top of her head. "Get some rest love; I'll still be here in the morning."

She's asleep before she can formulate a response. It was going to be a long road but I had a feeling things were going to be okay.

That positivity lasted until the morning. Once awake again Maura couldn't seem to get comfortable, her ribs hurt in most of the positions she attempted and that had led to her getting up at the crack of dawn to attempt to find something useful to do with her time, she was currently sat attempting to read a medical journal on the sofa surrounded by cushions and a bemused looking tortoise. She looked miserable and nothing I could do was going to help, I'd hovered until she got annoyed and told me to go to her room. She'd immediately softened before stating that despite being cute when I was "like an irritating fly hovering around her hair" she was in need of some quiet time before she "pelted me with the magazine". She'd instructed me that I had 45 minutes to make myself scarce. I understood where she was coming from however after only 15 minutes she appears at the door of her room looking somewhat pensive.

"I panicked." Her eyes go over my body checking, assessing, anxious that I may be in some way hurt.

"I wanted so badly to not feel overly conscious of your absence once you left the room. I wanted to be independent from you like I know I usually can be. Jane you left the room for _fifteen minutes_, I knew exactly where you were but I still panicked. I had visions of him breaking in to get me, of you vanishing whilst in that room despite the preciseness of everything." She shakes her head. "I'm just so scared."

"Hey, I told you I wasn't going anywhere… no guy's going to be taking me away without a fight. Do you want me to sit with you? We don't have to talk." She nods before lightly taking my hand, the touch is gentile and I'm concerned about the amount of pressure my hand would be giving her I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable in any way. She leads us back to the sofa, turning to look at me with uncertain eyes.

"Would you be comfortable with holding me from behind? It's alright if you don't wish to I just think it would make me feel better but I don't to ask for too much." She looks up at me again and I lean down so we're face to face.

"Love, you _know_ I would be comfortable in that, I just want to make things easier for you. Now, I'm going to kiss your cheek okay?" She nods before moving towards me, proffering a cheek however before my lips can touch her she swiftly turns her head allowing soft pink lips to come into contact with my own. It's short and chaste but none the less sweet, our first kiss.

"Never ask to kiss me Jane. It's all I've been thinking about for two years." She smiles but I know anything deeper than the kiss we just shared would be pushing it right now. So I simply kiss her nose and lie down waiting for her to curl into me.

"Two years? We've only known each other two years?" I question once she stops wriggling enough for me to assume she's comfortable.

"Yes, I knew when I saw you squawking your head off about the price of coffee, in those awful fishnets." She chuckles slightly as I place my head in the crook of her neck my left hand falls around her abdomen.

"Do you feel sleepy?"

"Not really, it just appears I can only really feel comfortable when your close I hadn't expected to need to rely on you so." Her voice sounds neutral although experience tells me she's disappointed in herself. She usually strives for independence.

"Things will get better Maur', you only just got home you can't expect to be feeling 100% right now can you?" She clearly mulls this over before shaking her head. In the tiniest of whispers she asks "what if they don't?" I can see why she would consider that and there is no way I can prove that they would. I stay silent for a moment, smoothly moving my hand to caress her stomach, something which seemed to calm her down last night.

"Then we take it one step at a time and see what happens?"


	6. Chapter 6

Two days later and things seemed to be moving very slowly. I still wanted Jane with me at all times however I had been thinking about reviewing the case that had been interrupted by my kidnap. Crunching over my computer I view the photographs of the injuries that the victim had on his torso, he had a stab wound to his chest that was an inch in length and 0.5cm in width it appeared to have been inflicted by a sharp instrument possibly a knife. He also had abrasions to his wrists and shoulders suggesting that he had been tied up and held for a long period of time before death, the sticky substance in the areas on his wrists is conductive in the implication that tape was used as a form of constriction. I was currently looking into the chemical composition of the glue used in the tape that adhered the plastic bag during his asphyxiation. It was hard going and in all honesty I was rapidly losing interest in the task at hand so I decided to find Jane.

I can hear her before I see her, she's talking on the phone her agitation is evident in her tone. I turn to give her the space to allow her privacy however the next sentence that leaves her lips cause me to pause my retreat.

"I don't know what to do Mom she's hurting and I can't help her. God, it took me something like this to admit my feelings for her. I feel like I'm failing her in this." _How can she think that?_ I hear a snuffle and can only assume she's been crying. _How long has she felt like this?_

"She's having nightmares Mah, she can't sleep and _all _I can do _all I can do_ is be there when she wakes up and dry her tears. That's nothing Mah."

I can't take it; I cannot bear to hear her beat herself up for something these men have done to me. I'm healing physically but it's clear that the psychological scars of the attack have yet to start healing. Other than attempting to refrain from compulsively washing I've been unable to qualm the paranoia or anxiety that I've been feeling. She's stopped talking now I can only hear her sobbing, it's time I moved.

I enter the room hugging her from behind as her body shivers with the force of her tears. I gently take the phone from her hand, placing it to my ear I can hear Angela over the speaker.

"She's strong Jane; just like you are… you'll be together, the both of you. You're deserving of happiness."

"Hello Angela, its Maura. I'm going to put the phone down now okay?"

"Oh Mau..." I cut the phone off before I hear the end of her sentence unwilling to remove myself from the task at hand. I lay kisses on her shoulder and neck as I attempt to turn her around in my arms. I'd worked out that I was alright with being hugged so long as I was the one who initiated the contact, over the past three days I had initially flinched whenever Jane attempted to start contact, the hurt was evident in her eyes until I told her it wasn't her fault and suggested I wait for me to come to her. As I turn her she holds back, still trying to be careful around me however I pulled her to me front rubbing her back as she nuzzles into my shoulder.

"I-I co-couldn't do anything, I ca-can't help Maur'."

"You _are _helping, just by being here. It helps." I stroke her hair as she starts shaking her head in protest. "No, no." I hush her before insisting that _yes _she does help.

"Loving me, Jane your love for me helps. I can't have you feeling like this, you're amazing you need to believe that." I smile at her as her brown eyes glance up at me.

"You have too much faith in me Maur'"

"No I don't, you'll figure out how this all ties in together and we'll find a way to catch these guys. I trust you to look after me, you make me safe."

She smiles at me and nods her head placing a kiss on my shoulder. "Thank you Dr Smarty pants." I chuckle at the nickname before tightening my embrace.

"Okay Detective Badass, would you like to look over the wounds with me, I'm unsure as to what would've caused the stab wounds."

"Oooh Doctor I thought you'd never ask." She winks at me cheekily before lifting up off the sofa. I'm thankful that some of the playful banter we had always had previously was slowly coming back into our lives as she holds out her hand for me to take.

A few hours' later sees us sat watching a documentary on deep sea creatures, Jane begrudgingly sits and watches it with me making comments on how ugly the different fish are. Doing different impressions of what she imagines the fish to sound like. It's hilarious but yet totally implausible. However suddenly she's turning to me her eyes conveying the panic she seems to feel.

"I wish that it was me that this happened to, if I could swap Maura I would honestly I would." I already know this I can see it when she looks at me sometimes, just this deep seated guilt that she feels.

"It's alright Jane, honestly it is."

"I'm sorry that it took me so long for me to tell you how I felt, I've loved you for so long I never thought I'd be good enough for you."

"You were always enough, you are more than enough."

"But I wasn't quick enough to see this."

"Neither was _I Jane _and I'm a _DOCTOR! _Alright?"

"Right." She's nodding.

"Right, now what would that fish be called then?"

"His name is Frank, he likes Turkish delight he's a little overweight but his family don't like to pay attention to it. He is considering growing a beard but he's unsure as to whether it would be a good decision."

"Wonderful, and how did he get here?"

"He took the wrong turn at a crossroads but refused to ask for directions."

The night ended much like that in that the banter was easy as we made up backstories for as many of the different fish that came up on the screen. I was certain that Jane enjoyed herself as much as I myself did.

That was until the nightmare that spun my world off its axis for the third night in a row.


	7. Chapter 7

A week after the incident is the first time Maura leaves the house. We take a trip to the ridiculously expensive farmers market that she goes to so often she might as well have shares in. It's not a long trip by any means but I can't help feeling nervous, what if she had a panic attack? What if something scared her? Or… what if I ended up being too overbearing to her?

My thoughts are halted by her hand taking my own; she glances at me taking a shaky breath before leading us both through the doors of the market. Once inside, however she immediately stops before looking at me with fearful hazel eyes.

"There are so many people." We had been living in a bubble of sorts since the incident; the only men that Maura had been in contact with since the incident were Frankie, Tommy and Frost. She had spoken to Korsak on the phone but seemed hesitant in having a face to face conversation much to his concern. In response she'd suggested it was due to the beard that her assailant had sported. To Korsak's credit he had agreed to only see her once she felt comfortable and assured her that no it was not "rude" to be wary of me now, it was merely "a natural response to an aggressive incident." So when our eyes made contact and she whispered those words across the tiny bubble that was our collective space I knew she had started to panic. Once Maura starts to panic, something that doesn't often happen, it can turn into a full on shut down if she doesn't feel in control shortly, this would manifest itself into fact spouting easily, however if she doesn't calm down then it can turn into her just staring blankly into space whilst her mind bounces from one thought to another. In the past week I'd witnessed the entire spectrum of behaviours Maura exhibits once panicked and had worked out that leaving her to process things usually worked best unless she wanted physical comfort, in which case she'd reach out for it.

In this case she buried herself into my chest breathing rapidly. "There's _so _many people here Jane."

"Yeah, but I'm here too and I'll make sure nothing happens to you." She's nuzzling into my chest continuing to breathe heavily. "Breathe with my Maur', it'll help calm you down."

"Mmmhmmm? I told you that didn't I?"

"You sure did." I kiss the top of her head holding her tight. "We can just get essentials, do an in-and-out trip. At most we'll be fifteen minutes?" She continues to breathe with me but doesn't say anything. "Or we could just go home?" Finally she looks up at me with watery eyes.

"I want to get some fudge clusters, could we try to be quick?" I nod at her and watch as she steals herself taking my hand again before smiling at me. "Okay then, let's go".

The rest of the trip occurs without incident before we get into her Prius, she hands me her keys before collapsing into the passenger seat. "That was terrifying Jane, how am I going to feel about going back into work or seeing criminals?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, okay?" She nods but I see the trepidation underneath her calm eyes.

"One step at a time, it's the first time we've been in a crowd since its nerve wracking." She looks at me wide eyed. "Maur' you don't have to answer me right away but do you think… maybe… it might help if you spoke to

"It's not that I think you're a hardship Maura, I just think that you might need more support in the long run than I can give you and I love you too much to see you hurting without the help you might need." She looks at me with watery eyes before nodding slightly, she then swiftly takes my right hand in hers caressing her thumb over the scar tissue on the back of my hand. It's whispered but I hear the "I love you" that leaves those gorgeous lips and travels in my direction.

"You too." I whisper back with a wink.

The rest of the day goes pretty easily, we eat healthily as Maura insists. I chew my kale obediently as the bland food is both "healthy" and "interesting" in Maura's opinion. I notice that her OCD has made a drastic reappearance, her usually spotless kitchen is practically gleaming as she wipes away minute outbreaks of germs that only she would be concerned about. It had flared up almost immediately after we returned from the hospital and to her credit she had been gradually getting better with the ritualistic cleaning, however it seemed that the trip had made her anxious and an anxious Maura cleans, watches documentaries or Google talks until she feels calm again. I let her clean for a while before I come up behind her to enclose her in a hug, gently removing the dish cloth she was using to wipe down the surfaces from her hands.

"How are you feeling Maur'?"

"You know how I feel; you can read me better than I can read myself."

"Please tell me, what's making you so anxious?" She looks down and starts to sniff, holding back the tears. "I'm scared you'll want to leave me, I mean who wants to be with somebody who at best has a hard time connecting to people and at worse finds it damn near impossible to talk to people. I've always been more comfortable alone Jane, you know that. What if that doesn't translate into being a loving enough partner for you? I'm scared that I'm not good enough for you and that this is just another blow." By now she's shaking, tears dripping from her chin. I turn her around in my arms, desperately trying to get her to look me in the eye. She's valiantly fighting it but eventually I lift her chin and sea green eyes lock onto mine. The pain I see in them is heart breaking and I once again wish I could take it all away from her.

"Maura, you are nothing short of miraculous to me. You are the strongest person I know, you've been through so much in the past few months and yet you're still here, right by my side. You could easily have given up but you haven't and I really don't think you will after this. You're the kindest person I know, you have the biggest heart out of anyone and you _always_ make time for people. Whether it is Suzie following you around like a lost puppy…"

"She doesn't follow me Jane…"

"She does, and we _all _know it I mean God, Korsak asked me once whether Suzie had the hots for you, if it wasn't for the mysterious "boyfriend" that we are yet to see or notice any evidence of I would have to agree with him." She guffaws murmuring something about Suzie simply admiring her. "Okay, so whether it be Suzie and her _huge lesbian crush on you_ or Korsak needing advice on his pets, or even Mah asking about fashion. Maura you make time for people. You the nicest of us all and you should be proud of that, it certainly doesn't make you somebody who has a hard time connecting with people it makes you a good _Friend_ and an even better _girlfriend. _You're my girlfriend and I love you and I refuse to let anyone talk about my girlfriend like that so could you be kinder please?" She's smiling and then starts laughing before finally she goes on her tip toes to place a chaste kiss on my lips and then snuggles into the crook of my neck.

"Thank you Jane."

"My pleasure… now what documentary are we watching whilst you stuff your face with those fudge clusters without so much as offering me one?" She looks mortified that I would know of her intentions of eating the chocolaty treats.

"There's a documentary on Blue whales on Animal planet in half an hour and well… they're yummy."

"Mmmhmmm, just like you." I wink at her as she blushes wondering how someone so wonderful as Maura could have such a low opinion of themselves, I decide to try to do something about it as we snuggle up on the sofa for a night of Maura related activities. _Educational _would be the description best used.


	8. Chapter 8

**I'm sorry it's taken a while to update, life kinda got in the way :/.**

It is ten days after the incident; the men who attacked me have their initial hearing today. They've been out of hospital for the past four days after being looked at for the injuries to their shoulders. It's a formality, they will be told that they are to put on trial for the kidnap, attempted rape and murder of Doctor Maura Isles after one of the "paramedics" admitted that the plan was to show my death to Paddy Doyle via video link as another of their gang was in the prison Paddy currently resides in. I am not required to attend the hearing, nor do I intend to. However I can't help but feel nauseated at the idea of having to attend the pending trial.

Jane, to her credit had been trying to take my mind off things. However having been called into work I had been left alone to collect my thoughts. My consciousness bounced from wall to wall and ranged from relief to panic, I wanted Jane to be there but I was conscious of my need to start to get through things alone. I decided instead to find Angela, surely to be in the guest house her warm personality would be enough to clear my mind, I hoped.

I walked up to the door of the guest house knocking only twice before the door is swung open and I'm pulled into a great Rizzoli hug. I hadn't really seen Angela since the abduction, mostly due to circumstance than actual conscious thought however her rambunctious attitude had put me off slightly, I feared her too loud for my dazed state to handle. However as her grip on me tightens slightly and she coos in my hairline that I was almost certainly "one of her own" I feel warmth in my heart. It was the right decision coming over to see her today; she insisted that until I feel completely at ease I should seek her as to not be alone.

It takes less than an hour before Angela gets the look in her eye, the one that suggests that she wants to ask something but is uncertain as to whether it would be rude to broach the subject or how to word the question. Her pupils contract slightly and she clears her throat.

"Hey, Maura… Can I ask you something? _May I_, I hold the correction knowing that it would annoy Angela just as much as it does her daughter. Instead I simply smile and nod.

"You do realise that my daughter is in love with you?" She stares at me, unblinking. "This incident has hurt both of you in ways that we will continue to find out; however I don't for a second want you to believe that it has made you unworthy of love and attention. The way Janey runs after you, more so now than ever you surely _must _know." Her eyes are like saucers as its clear she's weighing up what she just spurted out.

"Yes Angela I know, I love her too."

"God Maura, I know _that_ the way you two look at each other I'm surprised you aren't together I mea-"

"We are."

"What?"

"We are together; it's only been a few days but… still" Before I know it I'm pulled into another infamous Rizzoli hug, my face thrown into her chest with some force as she squeals quite effectively for a woman whose lung capacity would surely be restricted due to the petite blonde she'd currently shoved to her side.

"Maura that's such good news." I smile as I attempt to shove her away, although I was happy for the contact it was getting too much and I was starting to feel agitated. I believe she understood as she backed away, holding me at arm's length. The rest of the afternoon seemed to go pretty smoothly, Angela and I working together to cook our evening meal. I'd invited her around for dinner the night before much to Jane's dismay.

However shortly before Jane was supposed to arrive home a loud BANG came from the road ahead, it shocked me enough to take me back to the night, I attempted my breathing exercises to attempt to calm down but Angela's hand on my shoulder shocked me and I battered her off with a swift SMACK. I don't register the look of hurt on her face until a few minutes later and my panic subsides. I imagine that I must look like a feral creature to her, feeling the warmth of embarrassment rise from my neck to my cheeks I turn away, lowering my eyes to the ground in shame. I struck Angela because I mistook her for an assailant, the woman couldn't possibly hurt a fly. I was about to mumble an excuse to allow myself to leave the room when I feel her hand, once again cautiously finding my shoulder.

"That wasn't your fault Maura, I should've known better. You looked scared, I wanted to help." Although I can feel the tears pooling in my eyes I find I am unable to stop them as they cascade down my cheeks as I nod at her.

"I know Angela; I know… it was like I was watching myself do it. Are you injured?" She shakes her head smiling at me before pulling me in for a hug, my tears leaking into her sweater in a damp patch on her shoulder.

Which is exactly how Jane finds us ten minutes later, we look up to find my beautiful brunette gawping at us from the doorframe, her mouth gold fishing wildly.

"Mah what did you do?" I recognise the tone instantly, she's protecting me.

"It's not her fault Jane; there was a bang outside and it resulted in, well…a moment. I'm okay don't worry. Besides it's really your mother who you should be worried about, I kinda hit her." Her eyes bulge in question as I apologetically look to the ground.

"It was an accident Janey, you know how it goes." Her eyes said she didn't _really _get it but she let it go. The night was fairly average, nothing else too awkward happened, once I'd found some ice to make sure Angela's face wasn't going to be badly bruised but Jane still looked wearily at her mother when she noticed the bruise.

Once Angela had ushered us out of the guest house we fed Bass and allowed Joe Friday to have a private moment in the yard to do her business, Jane having walked her this morning. We sit on the couch, Jane opening her arm out wide to allow me to snuggle to her side.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Her voice is concerned as she brushes my hair away from my forehead, kissing my crown. I nod my head not wanting to push her away but still feeling concern as to how she would react.

"There was a bang, it shocked me and if I'm honest Jane I went into a trance, your mother must've seen that so she put her hand on my shoulder. When she did it jolted me, it felt like he was in the room with me looming over so I did what I had done in the warehouse, I hit at his face. Only it wasn't his face, it was your mothers. I'm so sorry." I look down at my hands feeling nothing but shame; it wasn't long ago that I was teaching Angela rudimentary self-defence; whooping triumphantly when I managed to snap a piece of wood in half. It pains me that those same tactics were used on her so effectively, yet didn't actually manage to come to my aid when I needed them.

"Honey, she knows it's not your fault. She actually apologised to me before we left said she should've known not to shock you." She looks down on me before adding. "However I do think it might be beneficial for us to book an appointment with the counsellor, see what they say?"

I'm nodding before she smiles and pulls me in for a kiss. "Jane, there's one more thing…"

"Mmmmh?"

"She knows that we're dating"

"She WHAT?!"


	9. Chapter 9

"So Mah knows about us?" After the initial panic had settled in my stomach I had found myself sat on the sofa with Maura tucked into my side, apparently she had moved us in my shocked daze. I feel the nod of her head and buzz of her voice box more than hear what she has to say it's only when she pulls away and hazel eyes land on my own that I realise her concern.

"I'm sorry I told your mom about us, I did ask her not to tell anyone else."

"You know how long that will last." She makes a non-committal noise in agreement.

"At least I tried." She shrugs her shoulders looking up at me. It _was _something; I do however continue to gawp at her pondering what my excruciatingly Catholic mother had to say when Maura broke the news. I was still thinking of that when Maura opened her mouth again.

"Do you think the others would be shocked?" I wasn't prepared for this question half as much as she thought I was and promptly chocked on my own saliva, needing Maura to rub my back reassuringly for several minutes. "Sorry, Maura. What did you say?"

"You know what I said Jane." She's looking at me intently making it impossible for me to avoid her gaze. "I have a feeling Maur' that Frost and Korsak might know…" She muses as she watches my eyes widen in shock.

"You think?" I question myself more than I question her as I look back into the conversations I'd recently had with my co-workers, their concern not only for Maura's wellbeing but for my own also asking if either of us needed any help or if _I _wanted to talk to someone as I _must _have been needing to vent.

"Jane. They're detectives they must know things have shifted" She grasps both my hand in hers pulling me so that we're eye to eye, nose to nose.

"We could say nothing, or we could tell them. But either way we're only doing what you're comfortable with." She looks up at me with love filled eyes as I pull her in for a chaste kiss.

"I love you" She nods in reply squeezing my hands. "I want to be able to tell people, at least our closest friends Maur' but I'm scared. I'm scared they won't be okay with this, I'm scared of the stares and I'm scared they'll find it a weakness. I can't be seen as weak in my job Maur'" She pulls me in for a hug planting kisses on my crown before whispering

"I'm scared too Jane, could we be scared together?"

"But I'm supposed to protect you and I don't know how" I can feel myself start to tear up but I urge myself to hold on to it.

"No Jane, you're supposed to be _human._ Now come here, I can't bear to see you like this" She pulls me in for a kiss before pressing our foreheads together. "We do nothing you aren't comfortable with, as much as I want our friends to know I refuse to do it at your expense."

I wake up to a weight slumped over my waist and the sound of my mother humming loudly to herself in the kitchen. The soft snores of the beautiful blonde currently pinning me to the sofa ground me from the panic that almost immediately sets in around me. Shuffling feet coming closer alert me to the fact that my mother was coming towards the sofa we so obviously ended up crashing on. I hear a soft sigh, and then feel slight pressure on my forehead as she plants a kiss before moving off to presumably do the same to Maura before softly draping a blanket over us. This only causes my sleeping beauty to nestle into me more murmuring something about butterflies and "my Jane, knight in shining swim suit". This causes my mother to chuckle and she leaves with a soft "my girls, you sleep tight". I pretend to sleep the entire time, savouring the feeling of Maura being so close to me. Her nightmares have slowly started to dwindle however when they were at their peak she would occasionally shrug me off in the night not wishing to be touched, attempting to self sooth before grabbing me back to her and sobbing. I will be glad for when that is simply a distant memory.

Gradually the object of my affection appears to find her way into consciousness. The soft snores she so adorably emits coming to a halt with an abrupt snort before she blinks sloppily and hazel eyes blearily fix on my own, a hap-hazard smile landing on her face almost by accident.

"Hey" She wipes at her left eye, obviously attempting to rid herself of the sleep that had accumulated there.

"Hey yourself." I kiss her softly on the nose as she stretches like a cat emitting an almighty yawn.

"We slept on the sofa?"

"We did."

"In our clothes?"

"Mmmhmmm."

"I feel dirty." She wrinkles her nose, it's adorable.

"You would."

"Your mom's here?"

"She is."

"I can smell breakfast… did she make it for us? Do you think we could ask her to make something? I don't feel like cooking, I would like a relaxed start to the morning." I kiss her cheek before suggesting that she gets up to ask my mom if she'd make us breakfast. "But, I don't want to move."

"Then we'll never know will we." I wink at her as she sulks knowing that a "relaxed start to the morning" in Maura terms is an entire day on the sofa in front of the TV eating whatever junk food Maura would allow into the temple she described as her body.

She slumps back down again rustling slightly as she nuzzles into the blanket, everything covered from the tip of her nose down. She says something but it's dampened slightly by the blanket around her mouth coming out as a muffled whisper. After a pointed look she sighs before removing the blanket to rush off the demand of "youshouldgoaskyourmombecauseI'mwarmandcomfy." After another pointed look she hesitates in re-establishing her comfy position to add "AndIloveyoulotsandlots." A cheeky grin is sent my way before she shoves me hard in the ribs until I land on the floor with a plop.

"Well for that _Doctor Isles_ I have to say _I don't like you_." The eyes peeking out at me widen for a moment before I hear something that_ could_ resemble "No you don't, you love me." If you tried really hard to translate. I walk into the kitchen area following the soft humming sounds of my mother, attempting to tame the wild beast of a mane that I call my hair into something a little bit more presentable. However she turns and grins at me before I can accomplish my task.

"Good morning sweet heart did you sleep alright on the sofa?" She gives me a puzzled look before pulling me in for a hug, I attempt to evade it but she predicts my attempt and simply pulls me in closer. "I've been your mother for 35 years Jane Rizzoli, you think I don't know what you're about to do?" She winks at me before asking about Maura knowing instinctively that I was the Maura whisperer. However the woman in question appears behind me looking adorably ruffled as her tousled curls bounce around her as she walks.

"I couldn't get back to sleep without you." She says, apparently none too fussed about our audience. She rises to her tip toes before planting a kiss on my jaw. At my mother's slight cough she bashfully turns to my mother her blush apparent. "Hi Angela, I hope you don't mind us joining you?" My mother actually laughs as she pushes two plates full of pancakes in our directions.

"Don't be silly Maura; you're like a second daughter to me. I'm going to go to the café, I'll see you later." She leaves us with a smile and we continue to pick at the pancakes, noting the single bunny pancake we've both received.

"So… what should we tell everybody?"

"How about the truth?"


End file.
